booty talk

I like big butts and I cannot lie. I actually do.  Perhaps because I can’t seem to grow one myself.  But generally speaking, I appreciate the roundness of a rear to a tiny, non-existent rump any day.  And this preference serves virtually no purpose in the day to day life that I lead.  Because, after all, besides the obvious physiological processes that butts are involved in, they only serve two other purposes.  That is, a cushion for sitting and falling on and to look upon them whilst people watching.

I have sat  on my moderately sized keister for the last 48 hours and have studied quite a few butts.  It’s pretty much impossible not to watch them on a beach when they are waltzing by every few minutes barely covered by anything.  In these sun-drunken observations, I have come to a few conclusions about them.  The following are useless points of knowledge for your reading pleasure…

  1. Butts are always prettier when they are tan.  A tan derriere with plenty of cellulite paired next to a pale one with absolutely none almost always looks better.  I’m sorry to the sunscreen advocates out there (me being one of them).
  2. Those who strive for a small tush should spend just 5 minutes on the beach and realize that humans are not all meant for them.  Only a few select human beings have no butt.  Their ancestors must have been from lands with very soft surfaces so they must not have had to evolve these. Most bedonks are large and in charge (and fabulous).
  3. There seem to be 4 types of naturally occurring elderly asses.  Zip code (as in it could have its own), high-flat, wide-flat and shriveled non-existent.  And you are genetically predisposed to one of these.  So whether you have junk in your trunk or air back there, accept your future and move on.
  4. Men are not exempt from these realities.  Though they often have a bit more hair attached.  Indirectly related, being on a beach in another country reveals (literally) a lot more about the downstairs region of males.  But I promise I won’t write a blog post about my observations of penises.

p.s. I hope you have appreciated all the synonyms for the word butt that I have used.  It was hard work thinking of them all.  You’re welcome.

© 2013 D. Willson

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